Ricky Tomlinson

Mike Bassett

Amanda Redman

Karine Bassett

Philip Jackson

Lonnie Urquart

Bradley Walsh

Dave Dodds

Martin Bashir

Interviewer

Phill Jupitus

Tommo Thompson

Dean Lennox Kelly

Kevin Tonkinson

Robbie Gee

Smallsy

Geoff Bell

Gary Wackett

Pelé

Himself

Ulrich Thomsen

Dr. Hans Shoegaarten

Geoffrey Hutchings

Geoffrey Lightfoot

Angela Curran

Margaret

Danny Tennant

Jason Bassett

Sean Gilder

Journalist

Mark Burdis

Journalist

Nigel Lindsay

Journalist

Sue Barker

Herself

Gabby Logan

Herself

Keith Allen

Himself

Natasha Kaplinsky

Herself

Dickie Bird

Himself

Robert Putt

Jack Marshall

John Alford

Deano

Dean Holness

Danny

Scott Mean

Parksey

Terry Kiely

Harpsey

Peter McGillycuddy

Gorgeous

Toby Redwood

Berksey

Thomas Kenyon

Macca

Andy Ansah

Super

Robert Campion

Smudger

Alex Lawler

Sexy

Dion Osborne

Ossie

Danny Husbands

Normal

Declan Perkins

Perky

Phil Gridelet

Grids

Jenny Frost

Herself

Liz McClarnon

Herself

Malcolm Terris

Phil Cope

Ian Lindsay

Manchester Rep

Lloyd McGuire

Midlands Rep

Chris McQuarry

Alan Massey

Stephen Walters

Supporter

Barry Venison

Himself

Ronaldo

Himself

Kim Durham

Benson

Robert Hudson

Hedges

Des Hamilton

Scottish Player

Paul Rattray

Scottish Player

Neil Peplow

Scottish Goalie

Glen Mulhern

Irish Player